This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
