So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
