I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
