I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize