he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
