I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize