im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
