hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
