It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You need Xanax blowdarts
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
