The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
