the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
