sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
