Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize