put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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