these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
