I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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