while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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