And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
