I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
