Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
