Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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