Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
