I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just come out here and I will go home with you...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
