bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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