Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
