first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
zippers are such a cool invention
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
