roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
worst night to have a conscience
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
