i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
