I think scott just propositioned me for sex
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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