I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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