im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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