It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
