we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Randomize
