you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
