new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
