Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
