READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
