We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There's always time for handjobs
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
