well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
