Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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