kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
