we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
