if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize