Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he puts the penis in happiness.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
