so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
