He is like the real live version of the state fair..
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
