so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
