you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
