Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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