ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
