i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
