if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am in a vortex of obligation.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
