i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
