Someone shit on the floor
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
