you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize