He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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