Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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