if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
