Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
