She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
