You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize