sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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