I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you win again, gameday.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
