Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
