i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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