4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Randomize
