her vagine was all disorganized.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
