I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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