And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
