just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
