my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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