Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
