my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
