So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
everyone is single if you try hard enough
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
