Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
